I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
