my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize