That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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