Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
