just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
