Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
