I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
