Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
