tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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