Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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