So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
