According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
