please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
