So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
