i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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