Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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