It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
