you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
being pregnant is like rehab
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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