I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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