I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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