I'm really into asian looking animals
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
