dude i'm inner monologue high
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
