Small penises have feelings too.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
