Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
