OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
