I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
