i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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