had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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