I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
