You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
