yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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