She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
