oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize