I wanna passion pit in your ass
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
