I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Congratulations! We have a period
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