I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
