I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he puts the penis in happiness.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
