I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
