apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
