DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
