You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
