Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
