Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
