Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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