i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
