Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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