Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
