My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
