i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
