Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
