everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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