we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
