scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
