I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
