Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
