Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
