I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
