we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
