Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
