i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
