I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Vodka?
Forever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
