Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
