dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
