I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
