hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
