Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
